The Smidgen

So I’m reading a BBC News article and firstly, there’s no author that I can see so the part of my rage the would be directed at said author goes unfulfilled, crafty British.  Anywho, the article is about “Raz”, a “massive Xbox gamer” who uses his console every day after work and all day on the weekends.  You know, a socialite.  Well it appears that after “acquiring” the latest record setting Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, he was “gutted” to learn that Microsoft has banned him from playing games online.

Why, you might ask?  Well he’s a theif, plain and simple.  Raz has a modded Xbox and pirates his games.  Now no one get all uppity about pirating software one way or the other, I don’t care how you feel about it if you don’t realize that a company or person will be disinclined to let you use a product they’re trying to sell for free, you’re a friggen idiot.  Anyway I would ordinarily think nothing of this article, that kind of thing happens fairly frequently, people steal games and sometimes they get caught, boo-hoo, he’s not getting some sort of ridiculous RIAA fine or jail time, just no more online gaming because you’re a criminal, whaaan.

What sets me off on this is that this guy is literally flabbergasted by this fact.  He’s astounded to learn that his openly admitted, publicly communicated theft of £600 worth of games (just under $1,000 to us Yanks) has earned him a ban.  Furthermore he states that, while he won’t mod another console, he’s unsure if he will buy another Xbox or get a PS3 now instead.

Let me get this straight, you essentially stole one large worth of games, got a slap on the hand and now you’re so mad at Microsoft you’re going to get a PS3 instead?  Wow, guess what chief, I don’t think they’re going to miss you.  Maybe Sony can use this for some creative marketing, “Xbox Live won’t let you play because you’re a dirty criminal, welcome PSHome!”  Somehow I don’t think Sony will exactly be thrilled with that sort of support either.

Some good quotes from the article after the break:

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Yeah ... looks real comfortable alright ...

Oh Japan, how I love you and your crazy sh*t.  See that thing on the left there with the suit precariously balanced on it?  Yeah, that’s Honda’s answer to the Segway.  A self propelled, self balancing, 3.7mph traveling unicycle that moves in the direction you lean.  Tightrope not included.

The U3-X weighs in at just under 22lbs and though it’s just “a proposal” right now, it’s designed with the elderly as a first thought, world takeover a close second (like all of Japan’s robots).  The wheel is actually comprised of many tiny motor-controlled wheels that allow it to swerve around in any direction when you lean that way.

I’m not really sure how the less mobile and coordinated elderly (you know, the ones that need a device to move them around) would fair with something like this but hey, that’s not the point, the point is it’s cool and weird right?  Right!?  Want to see some more pictures (you know you do), check out the Daily Mail article.

iPhones ... I mean Brains ...

Straight out of the land of “Someone Got Paid to Do This” comes the mathematical apocalypse known as When Zombies Attack!

A team of mathematicians from the University of Ottawa have taken the time (and money) to calculate how fast the spread of undead will occur should the popular doomsday scenario outbreak begin (finally!).  It’s not all bad news though as they have also determine a possible solution to stave off certain doom.  Turns out it’s quick, aggressive attacks, just like I keep saying.

In an attempt to make this sound like something more scientific and less like they are just pissing away money, the Ottawa team feels that this research can teach us something about the spread of infectious diseases.  You know what else teaches us about the spread of infectious diseases?  The study of infectious diseases … the real kind.  Go figure.

The paper’s subtitle is “Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection” changed shortly before publishing from the more accurate “How to F–k Off And Get Paid With Mathematics”.

Take a good look at that guy, he is the face of Evil.  Well he’s at least the computer generated face of E, an artificial intelligence specifically programed to be … evil.

Yes, this does immediately make everyone say, “why?” which leads to the obvious answer, “for science!”  Selmer Bringsjord of the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute created E in 2005 to study what makes people do evil things, a noble cause for sure, but now E has his own virtual world to exist in (read: conquer).

“I’ve been working on what is evil and how to formally define it,” says Bringsjord … “It’s creepy, I know it is.”

Well that doesn’t exactly give me a warm fuzzy feeling but at least he knows it.  E will continue to be developed and will next learn to communicate in simple English (read: no slang) with the hopes that some day it will be used to analyze information gained on potential terrorists.

So what about the thing we’re all concerned with, when does this guy turn into the Matrix?  Bringsjord says he wouldn’t think of releasing E into the world, even purely virtual environments like Second Life without “engineering safeguards” that would be similar to Isaac Asimov’s “Three Laws of Robotics” to prevent him from harming humans.

“Because I have a lot of faith in this approach,” he says, “E will be controlled.”

Yeah, we’re all dead.  Better read this link from Scientific American before it’s too late.

Oh this is just good.  Apple has now censored the English dictionary.  The new app “Ninjawords” has finally been released to the app store after a three month waiting and updating period because it contains words that are in every single other dictionary out there.

Apple censored an English dictionary.

A dictionary. A reference book. For words contained in all reasonable dictionaries. For words contained in dictionaries that are used every day in elementary school libraries and classrooms.

Even Walmart, notorious for its censorship of “objectionable” music and movies, neither restricts nor places warning labels on dictionaries. Apple’s App Store review team makes Walmart seem liberal by comparison.

Star Trek, and science fiction in general, is very accustomed to strange license tie-in’s and merchandising but the latest in Genki Wear’s spring collection,  known for its licensed science fiction jewelry and perfumes,  is just awesomely hilarious.

Genki Wear Star Trek Perfume  – A trio of scents from the final frontier
There are three fragrances planned for 2009 with the monikers “Tiberius” “Red Shirt” and “Ponn Farr.”

As if the names weren’t enough, it gets better.  “Tiberius”, named after the mirror universe version of James T. Kirk, challenges wearers to “Boldly go” with “notes of freshness and sensuality.”  Genki Wear states that “[Tiberius] … has sweet citron zest, black pepper, and cedar as its top notes (top notes refers to those scents that are noticeable first) and warm vanilla, white musk, and sandalwood as its base notes (scents perceived last, usually about a half hour after application).”  Personally I loved the caption under the image of the nice looking custom crafted box, “Command your essence with Tiberius, the cologne,” classic.

As much as I love the thought of “Tiberius” cologne I think I’d have to go with “Red Shirt” myself, if for no other reason than it’s tag line is “Because Tomorrow May Never Come.”  I have to give Genki Wear credit for keeping the campy humor of the show in tact while providing what looks to be an actual quality product (unlike the Star Trek First Contact travel set from 1996 – though it also had a wallet and soap!)  The caption for “Red Shirt”?  Live every day as if it could be your last, with ‘Red Shirt’ cologne. Simply fantastic.

The final product in the “trio” of scents is a perfume titled “Ponn Farr” making it clearly the most risqué of the group as it’s named after the, once every seven year, Vulcan mating ritual learned about in the episode “Amok Time”.  The perfume promises to “drive him wild” and lets face it, if Spock can’t remain calm, cool and collected during “Ponn Farr” what chance do we have?

If you’re looking to add these items to your collection they will cost you between $30 and $40 for a 3.4oz bottle.  On the plus side, this is one of the very few Star Trek collectibles that actually has a functional purpose and the company believes it’s fragrances are comparable to Chanel or Cartier.  I guess that’s why they didn’t make “Bones” or “Old Scotch Drunk”.  Maybe next year.